Lonely and desperate

Sometimes -especially when I was younger- I’ve wished that I would become seriously ill or wished that I would be badly injured in an accident…
…Because then I would get the love and attention I needed so badly.

Sadly, I have fabricated lies to get the attention and love from the people that were supposed to love me the most.
In this blog post, you can read about a horrible situation a brought myself into when I was a young school girl.

Writing all these blog posts and sharing them with the public has given me a lot of loving response and caring attention, especially some of the entries that are of a more disturbing character such as “I never thought it could happen to me” “Letter to my in-laws” and “The unbearable hug”.

I suddenly became aware that I had to be careful not to use this blog as a “quick-fix” to get love and attention, because if I did, it would only contribute to maintaining myself in the role of victim.
A role I really wanted out of.
Not the easiest thing to let go of after 42 years of “programming”.

Read more about the role of victim in this blog post.
I’m also sharing a male reader’s deep and reflective thoughts associated with a Facebook post I had written.

It is thought-provoking reading …

Read More

Suffering is just easier

We humans are creatures of habit, and it is both good and evil. When a trade pattern becomes a habit, then this action will be something we do automatically.
This also applies to thought patterns.

It only becomes a problem when these thought and action patterns are not serving us well. When they inhibit and limit us.

How absurd it may sound, for some, it’s just easier to suffer, and so they attract defeat, hate themselves, and just go having a really painful inner life …
Because this is the feeling we know best…
It has become a habit to feel pain and suffering…
Bad habits like these runs on autopilot and can, therefore, be really hard to overcome even if the habit is devastating for the person who has it.

For example, when we tend to push people that love us away.
Sound familiar?

You are not the only one.
Read in this blog entry to learn more.

Read More

Tiny moments of pure bliss


This was some of the emotions welled up in me while looking in the mirror trying to say something nice about myself.

I did not love myself…

I’ve been living the role of the victim for far too long, using it as an excuse to my own misbehavior and as a reason for all my misfortune.
Severe childhood trauma was the cause, and the effect was broken relationships, incomprehensible unhappiness, and utterly painful defeats.
And as I said, I believed that even my own poor behavior was an effect of what life has offered me through the years, especially in my childhood.

Surely, I have suffered, and it has given me big nasty scars on my soul, but how far will this excuse get me?
Not far.
I’ve spent 42 years living out the role of the victim, and it hasn’t done me any good so far.
Sounds familiar?

Please, then read this post.
I’ll be sharing with you how to take responsibility for your own life.
How to take back the power and control and -eventually- be happy!

I’m also sharing some of the books that have helped me along the way with changing my mindset and getting out of the victim state.
I’m getting better every day at letting go of childhood trauma, if you wish to do the same, maybe there will be some useful information in this blog post.

Read More

Wobbling Foundation

This post was written in august 2016

I was still hurting deeply from losing my unborn baby, my boyfriend and my home. All within one month.

I wrote:
“What the heck are you supposed to do when the mere foundation of your life just crashes?!?

I’ve lost everything:
My unborn baby
My home
And maybe my business…

I find myself in this giant, black hole of sadness, still mourning the loss of my unborn baby, and still completely unable to understand why my boyfriend broke up with me in the way he did.
I’m struggling with severe anxiety and I’ve lost all of my fighting spirits in connection with my job as a freelance photographer, and I just can’t seem to find any meaning with anything…

In addition to this, I feel weighed down by feelings of being let down, because why do my friends want to stay friends with my ex on Facebook?!?
Why is this so important to them?
Most of my friendships go more than ten years back, and none of my friends have known my ex for more than two years and none of them have ever been close to him. At all!

I don’t get it…”

Please read the post, and feel free to comment.

Read More

The letter to my in-laws

WHAT WE FEEL WE CREATE The letter to my in-laws Back to blog My heart feels heavy these days. It has been hard re-reading the letter to my in-laws. It is clearly marked by how devastated I was – and still am – and how guilty I felt. It’s as if I take on all […]

Read More

The Unbearable Hug

CHANGE YOUR FOCUS – CHANGE YOUR LIFE The Unbearable Hug Back to blog Today, June 22nd 2015, I’m in my car on my way to see my therapist, and I’m sitting there thinking about all that has happened. It’s my last visit at the therapist’s – for now anyway. The cash box is empty. So […]

Read More

I never thought it could happen to me

THE SECRET TO HAVING IT ALL IS BELIEVING YOU ALREADY DO I never thought it could happen to me Back to blog The blog has been silent for a while. There’s a reason for that… Just as I thought my boyfriend and I were finding each other again after all the emotional chaos we’ve been […]

Read More

I’m still here, but…

YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR FUTURE I’m still here, but… Back to blog I’m still here, but I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me and I have been completely incapable of writing. I have barely been able to breathe… I’m starting to see everything in a brighter light now and I feel like I’m […]

Read More

From six pack to pot belly

IT ALL BEGINS AND ENDS IN YOUR MIND From six pack to pot belly Back to blog Before my entire blog drowns in heartbreak and worries if my relationship with “P” is gonna last, I’m gonna hurry up and tell you about – yet another – downside to “project” baby. Most women become affected by […]

Read More

The time is up…

ALL THAT WE ARE IS THE RESULT OF WHAT WE HAVE THOUGHT The time is up… Back to blog The Time is Up Yesterday were International Women’s day. And I have a tough fight to fight. A fight for love… But… It’s a fight for understanding too. Understanding between man and woman. As I’ve described […]

Read More